The First Fifty Years

I read something cute the other day.  It was a little plaque that said 'the first fifty years of marriage are the hardest'.  I laughed and then I realized that my husband and I were going on forty five.  Seems totally impossible, but true.  Where did the years go?  How did they get away so fast?  Yesterday we were young, planning a future together, working hard, having babies, raising a family.  Then suddenly things changed.  The kids were grown and for the first time we had a little time for ourselves.  Time to just sit and talk about something important or nothing of any consequence.  It didn't matter.  After thinking about it I realized he was the one person on earth I could spend an hour with and say absolutely nothing and not feel uncomfortable.  It's great to have someone you don't have to talk to if you don't feel like it, but also someone  you can pour your heart out to if you feel the need.
A close friend of mine once asked me what it was that made my husband and I so close, and after thinking about it, I decided it was because each of us was the only person on earth the other one trusted totally, completely, and without reserve. You have to feel safe before you can bare your emotional self to someone else.  You have to know that what you tell the other person will not later be used to hurt you in the event of an argument or disagreement.  There is a lot to be said for learning to fight fair in a marriage, and let's face it, there are times when you will not see eye to eye on things.  It's been said that when two people agree on everything, chances are one of them is not necessary.  Two differences of opinion can be a very constructive tool if used properly. We learned early in our marriage there were tender spots emotionally never to touch.  We never hit below the belt, so to speak.  If we knew a subject was painful, we were careful not to use it to win an argument. I have observed that in a lot of cases when a couple have been married and fall out of love with each other, they will use all the tools they can put their hands on to get to the other person. And when you have been in the most intimate relationship you will ever enter, you know all the weaknesses and faults, sore spots and things that will tick the other person off, and in many cases there is not an objection to using them to your advantage.
 It takes respect for the opinions and feelings of your partner to be able to listen, not only with your ears, but also with your heart.  Some of the times in our marriage he has told me he loved me the loudest without ever saying the words.  I remember an occasion when one of our sons was being somewhat disrespectful to me and his father pushed him up against the wall and said to him , "you will not speak to my wife in that tone."  It struck me as significant that he didn't say to the boy "your mother", but instead "my wife."  I knew he would never let anyone speak disparaging to me, not just his child.  On another occasion he was requesting that one of the boys, who had a bad habit of being messy and leaving dirty laundry on the floor, take time to pick it up and put it in the hamper.  He said, "you wouldn't leave your dirty laundry lying around for your wife to pick up if you had one, so please don't leave it there for my wife to take care of."
I feel so blessed to have spent the last forty five years with a man who was the most unselfish person I had ever known.  He didn't have to give me the moon, I knew he would if he could have.  When we were planning on getting married, I suggested we just get matching bands because of a lack of money and he replied he wanted me to have a diamond.  He put one in the lay-away and did without lunch several days I'm sure to be able to buy me a small diamond engagement ring.  It meant more to me than twenty carats because I knew it came from his heart.  The same thing was true when we were looking for a house to buy.  I suggested we just look for older homes and he said 'I want to buy you a new house.'
No wonder the last forty five years flew by.  I said to him the other day, 'let's do this for another forty five'.